Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share a bit about jewelry, and a lot about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. This week's journal entry is a follow up to last week's entry where I talked about the question, "How much money do I need to quit my job and start my own business?" If you grumbled and moaned, sighed and cringed at my answer to that question, this week's journal entry is a must read. I want to tell you that you're not alone in your feelings. So many people want to start their own business but they get hung up on the money thing and never even try. I'd venture a guess that at least 90% of the people who want to start a business but don't cite money as the reason. They get blocked and overwhelmed and they stay stuck in their present circumstances, feeling like their dreams will always feel out of reach and that it's almost silly to think they could live a better life. What's behind all of these emotions? They are so incredibly common, yet not too many people write about them. I want to warn you ahead of time that I'm going to get really blunt and really honest in this week's entry. But I'll also be speaking from a place of love because I want to see you bust through these emotions. I've been there. I've experienced it, worked through it, and come out on the other side, and you can too. 

What emotions come to the surface when you stop and think about starting your own business but feel blocked because of money? I bet there's some - ok, a lot - of overwhelm. And I bet that overwhelm sort of leads to this "throw your hands up in the air and throw the towel in" kind of feeling. Phrases like "this is never going to happen" and "this is silly to even think about" and "I'm never going to be able to fund this business idea and make this happen" and "this is impossible" probably come to mind, right? Maybe you also experience feelings like "I don't know what I'm doing" and "I don't know anything about business" and "who am I to try and start my own business?"

What's at the root of these emotions? If you dig and dig all the way to the root, I bet you'll find helplessness and a sense that things are out of your control. These feelings are, most likely, evidence of a victim mentality. What is victim mentality? It's this sense that your life, your career, your destiny is based on external factors rather than your own effort and desires. It's this sense that things are outside of your control and that you are helpless to change them. Sometimes it might involve blaming another person or circumstance for your hopelessness, sometimes not.

I had a BIG case of victim mentality back in the day (notice I said "I had a case of victim mentality" and not "I was a victim" - don't own that crap! It's not you, it's just a mindset that can be changed). I didn't like my career, I didn't like my life circumstances, one bad thing after another seemed to be happening, and I felt so helpless. I felt unable to pull myself out of my current situation and make changes. Everything felt like it was happening outside myself and I was the poor victim of it. I even felt invisible at times. Some people blame another person when they feel stuck in this position - like an ex-boyfriend or parent - but to be honest, I blamed God (which eventually led to a strengthening of my faith and belief in God but that's a story for another day). I was in a pretty dark place, in full-on victim mode.

Long story short, I transformed beyond this victim mentality after I lost my father to cancer in 2014 and found an amazing therapist. I initially booked appointments with her to work through my grief in a healthy manner, but I ended up staying on to work through my victim mentality. Through this work, I shifted from an external to an internal focus, meaning that instead of believing my life was subject to forces outside my control, I started to believe that I had full control. It's a total change of perspective, a totally different way of looking at the world. Here's a great description of the difference between these two perspectives:

"Victim mentality is a psychological term that refers to someone with an external locus of control. They do not believe that they are in control of their successes or failures, and often feel helpless or without blame. They are driven by pessimism, fear and anger. In extreme cases, they may even believe others are deliberately out to hurt them. At the other end of the spectrum, someone with an internal locus of control believes that they control their own destiny and will attribute their success and failures to their own actions."

(Credit: Jody Michael Associates, "Victim Mentality Stands In The Way of Accountability". Click here to read the entire article)  

 Looking back, I can honestly say that one of the reasons I stayed in a job that I hated for so long (11 years!) was because I was firmly stuck in a victim mentality. And what happens when you have that kind of mindset? Your life hands you more and more experiences to help you prove you are indeed a victim! I didn't know this at the time of course, which is why I wanted to write about it here.

Victim mentality is a deep-seated issue and maybe, like me, you'll need a therapist to help you work through it. But I can tell you this - if it's not the number one reason holding you back from pursuing your own business, it's likely in the top ten. Victim mentality is absolutely rampant in our culture. Most of us were raised on it. Most of us had parents that consoled us by saying something like, "It's not your fault. It's [insert name's] fault that [insert event] happened."  Victim mentality is an easy way to disclaim responsibility for just about anything. It's a lot easier to say "they did it to me" than to find ways to accept your situation and begin to turn it around. That takes work, and - let's be honest here - most of us feel more comfortable complaining about why something can't happen (like owning your own business) than rolling up our sleeves and getting down to business. I wish I remember the name of the book or article I read this in, but author Marianne Williamson once made the bold, blunt statement that many of us don't want to heal the wounds and hurts that are holding us down and keeping us back because, once we heal them, we can't rely on that excuse anymore. As an example, if you can no longer blame the issues you have with your mom or dad for your failure to get into grad school, to write that book, or to start that company, who will you blame? You will have no one to blame but yourself. It's so much easier to be a victim and blame your perceived shortcomings on someone else. 

This naturally brings me to my next point. When you do work on victim mentality issues, you're almost definitely going to hit on self-worth and self-confidence issues. They are all related. I experienced this as well and worked a lot on these concepts. It's tough. But geesh, when this trio of self-empowerment (the opposite of victim mentality), self-worth, and self-confidence come into alignment, you will be unstoppable. When this happens, I think it's the true passage from childhood to adulthood. That's when true maturity happens. Sadly, some people never make this mental shift into adulthood - they never are able to stand in their own power and favor the childish behavior of blaming others instead.

If you want to explore victim mentality more, I suggest starting simple. Google it and read some of the articles written by psychologists. Then perhaps get out your journal and honestly examine the ways in which you have experienced victim mentality. If you meditate, perhaps do a 20-minute meditation on the question "How am I currently clinging to victim mentality in my life?" If you hit on some valuable things, you might want to get the help of a therapist. Or, if getting a therapist seems overwhelming or unaccessible right now, perhaps you can just start reading some books on the topic and see where that takes you.

To me, the opposite of victimhood is self-empowerment. That's when you truly understand that while you might not be in control of external forces, you are ALWAYS in control of how you react and respond to them which - at the end of the day - is all you need to feel empowered in any circumstance. This is not easy work. It takes a lot out of you and it takes some time. But at the end of the day, the concept is pretty simple - it's simply a shift in how you frame the world around you. It's simply a shift in how you frame the events and things that happen to you. And I'll tell you what - while there might be a ton of bright people practicing as lawyers (like I once did) or working in corporate America, there are a ton of people stuck in victim mentality there, too. Intelligence absolutely does not equate to mental maturity. Once you are aware of it, you'll see it everywhere. AND you'll be able to choose differently. And those blocks of overwhelm? You'll begin to see how you can take those challenges on. One by one. And, what's more, you'll begin to see how you never needed to stay trapped. 

I hope you feel empowered today. 

xoxo,

Stacy

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share a bit about jewelry, and a lot about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In this week's journal entry I want to address a question I get all the time from aspiring business owners and that's this: how much money do I need to save up in order to quit my job and start my own business? My answer has two layers to it, so let's try to peel back the layers together in this week's journal entry.

First, let's talk about how much money you might need. The answer is: it depends! I know. Sigh. You just hate that answer, don't you? But it's the absolute truth. Businesses vary in the amount of money they require and it's not hard to see why. For example, let's say you want to start a consulting business offering digital marketing services on Instagram to businesses owned by older adults who do not have a lot of experience with (or desire to learn) social media. What is required to start this type of business? Probably very little. A computer, a phone, a place to work (at home is just fine), you get the idea. Service-oriented businesses like this often require less to get started than a product-oriented business. Let me illustrate this with an example. Let's talk about grace + hudson. I required much more to start my business because I needed to invest in stones, chains, an e-commerce website, boxes for shipping my jewelry, etc. You'll have to take a close look at the type of business you'd like to run and then decide from there what might be a realistic amount to save up as an initial investment. Did you groan at the sound of that? Does that sound overwhelming? Well, welcome to one of your first activities as a start-up business owner! Your journey as a business owner is going to be FULL of overwhelming activities like this, and your job will be to break them down into digestible parts that can be accomplished. If you made another groan, you might want to take a harder look at what entrepreneurs and business owners actually do on a day-to-day basis. For instance, do you think I make jewelry all day long? Wrong! I spend maybe 10% to 20% of my time as a business owner making jewelry and the rest is spent working on growth and development, marketing, solving problems, etc. That means 80% of my time is spent doing other things besides making jewelry. I think a lot of entrepreneurs will tell you the same thing, regardless of the field they're working in. Make sure that's something you're ok with because, if you're not (and that's totally ok), you might not like being an entrepreneur.

Let's get to the second part of my answer to the question, how much money do I need to save up in order to quit my job and start my own business? You might not like this answer either but you can always count on me to deliver some truth! I want you going into business ownership with eyes wide open, not with some fairytale idea of what it's like to run a business. If you have a truthful, honest outlook about business ownership, you can make an informed decision on whether it's something you really want to spend time, energy, and money pursuing. So, that said, the second part of my answer is this: there's a major flaw in your question! In most cases, you can't just save up money to quit your job and start your own business. You're going to have to start your own business THEN quit your job. I know, another groan, right? This is the reality for most people unless you (a) just won the lottery or (b) come from a wealthy family or are married to a wealthy spouse that can fund your business and take care of your living expenses. Most people start their business while they are still working their regular job. If you're groaning, let's examine why. I think the reason most people absolutely hate this answer is because of the world we live in today. Everyone expects everything to be instant these days. Many people feel social media and the Internet have created this false expectation. But you can't just leave your nine-to-five salaried job that you've been working at for several years, start your own business the next day and be making the same amount of money. It just doesn't work that way. If it did, everyone would start their own business! But here's the "pro" to this otherwise "con." It connects to the first part of my answer. When you begin to really work on starting your own business while you have your regular job, you'll begin to get a REALLY good idea of how much you'll actually need to save up in order to quit someday. You'll get a good idea of the expenses you're going to incur in your business, the investments you're going to have to make, etc. This information will allow you to run some decent forecasts and come up with some reasonable estimates. Some people might be able to afford to quit in a few months, others might require a few years.

Let me end this week's journal with this thought: owning your own business doesn't come with a checklist or a set of instructions. I can't tell you that you need to save up $50,000 to be able to quit your job and start your own business and have guaranteed success. This is an unsettling concept for some because the jobs we've held in the past - they've all come with clear job descriptions and clear goals that need to be met in order to be promoted. There is no such thing in the entrepreneurial world. You're the only one who knows the answers and can chart the course. But if you want it and are willing to work hard for it, you can definitely do it. It's a matter of making up your mind!

Cheers to starting your own business!

xoxo,

Stacy 

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share a bit about jewelry, and a lot about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. The other day I was thinking to myself, "What is the single most important skill you need to make the leap from ordinary job to owning your own business?" I quickly came up with critical thinking. So in this week's journal entry I want to dive into why critical thinking is so important, and it's probably not for the reason you think. This is a heavy post with a happy ending so I hope you'll take a read.

Here's the bottom line - there are powerful societal expectations that rule all of our lives and most people accept them blindly, never stopping to critically think whether they actually believe them or want them to apply to their own lives. The people who often succeed in business ownership have the critical thinking skills necessary to dismantle these beliefs and replace them with more powerful, intentional, and authentic beliefs.

Let me give you an example - have you ever stopped to think about retirement in the United States? Most people believe that it's "normal" to work at a job you don't particularly love so that you can pay your bills and save enough money in a 401(k) and then hopefully retire when you're about age 65 which is when you'll really start to live your life. WHAT?! Have you literally ever stopped to think about whether that actually even makes sense? It's absurd to me. Maybe that's because I've heard one too many stories of people who never even make it to retirement. Take my father for example - he passed away one month after he turned 65. He was Mr. 401(k), always being responsible and saving money for retirement. He worked an office job in information technology in New Jersey and had dreams of retiring to the beaches of North Carolina. But he never even got the chance. What a horrible, cruel joke. Could you imagine spending your whole life working hard with the dream of finally living life at age 65, only to pass away? This was probably the biggest realization that pushed me to finally quit my lawyer job after 11 years and pursue doing something I love instead. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow, let alone a retirement, and I'm sure not going to wither away over the next 30 years doing a job I cannot stand.

Here's another example - have you ever stopped to think about America's "TGIF" culture? Why does that exist? Well, it's because the majority of America doesn't like their Monday to Friday job and they can't wait until the weekend. Have you ever stopped to think about that? It's so sad! We spend the week wishing for Friday so that we can live for 2 days? And then we repeat this week after week? It's the same with the question, "How was your weekend?" I kind of laugh to myself when people ask me that now because I want to say, "I live all 7 days thank you very much. My life is no longer limited to just Saturday and Sunday."

Many people never really stop to critically think about what they're told to do, what's "normal", and what their parents or others expect of them. Instead, they just blindly follow along. And they wonder why they aren't happy and they aren't fulfilled. The answer is simple: you have given up all of your power and you aren't making any intentional decisions to live the way YOU want to live. There is a complete absence of critical thinking as it relates to work and the trajectory of your life. You haven't stopped to think about what makes sense for you and you can't even define what you want because you never stopped to critically think about it. 

Now let me apply this concept of critical thinking to starting your own business. When you have the desire to start your own business, you must dig up all of the societal expectations currently controlling your life and essentially defeat them and bury them for good. What's the number one societal norm that has to be torn apart? That your worth depends on your job title, the company you work for, and your salary. When you quit and start your own business, you're not going to have those anymore and it will be disorienting unless you have already done the work around the concept that "you are not your job." How do you do this work? Critical thinking of course. Critical thinking allows you to ask yourself, "Do I really think that I'll crumble and not be worthy if I give up this prestigious corporate job? Do I really think my worth is inherently tied up in my job title? My salary? The company I work for?" Sadly, many people don't even know that they're basing their worth on these things, let alone have the awareness to examine them, tear them apart, and intentionally decide differently. This is powerful, life-altering work and you might even need to enlist the help of a therapist to accomplish it. Dismantling beliefs you grew up with and blindly followed for 5, 10, 15, 20 years is not easy. It takes time. It takes careful examination. And then you need to replace those beliefs with NEW beliefs about what is possible, where your worth stems from, and what type of work you want to intentionally perform in the world. 

I know this was a heavy journal entry with a very "tell it like it is" attitude, but it just saddens me so much to see so many people - women in particular - feeling so incredibly stuck in jobs that are stressing them out and draining all the light from their eyes. That was me once, so I know exactly how it feels. People ask me all the time how I was able to escape my lawyer job to do grace + hudson and I have to tell you that 95% of the work is mental. Most of the work is what I talk about right here. Building a website, learning how to do online marketing, etc -- all of that is easy in comparison. The real hard work is dismantling false beliefs and replacing them with new beliefs about a new life that is possible for you. It's transformational work and it's hard. It requires you to get out of your comfort zone and question many of your own patterns, habits, and thoughts. And for that reason, most people don't want to do it. Or they start, but then they stop. It takes real dedication to change the direction of your life. And you're going to be outside your comfort zone for a very long time. But ohhh is it worth it. And the person you'll become - that person that's waiting on the other side of all this work - she is so happy. She is so at peace. She is so unshakeable. Because she knows who she is. She knows that nothing outside of herself can determine her worth.  And she knows that anything - absolutely anything - is possible for her if she does the mental work to get there.

Think for yourself. Don't blindly follow. Be your own person. That's the pathway to happiness and peace in your career and in life.

xoxo,

Stacy 

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share a bit about jewelry, and a lot about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In this week's journal entry, I want to tell you how I know for certain that I'll never go back to working as a lawyer. If you're new to grace + hudson, I worked as a lawyer for 11 years before I started my own jewelry business. To say that I disliked my job as a lawyer would be an understatement. But I must admit, when I first quit my job to start g+h, I felt fortunate to have a legal degree to fall back on. I knew that no matter what, I'd never be homeless and unable to pay my bills. I knew that I'd always be able to get some type of legal job with my degree and my experience. That knowing, plus my savings in the bank, gave me the ability to take a risk and try out being an entrepreneur. Anyone who has embarked on the entrepreneurial path will tell you that you spend the first two years (and maybe even longer) worrying about when you might need to crawl back to your prior career. That's totally normal. What you don't hear about so much is what life is like on the other side, when you finally surpass that marker and know with utter certainty that you'll never have to go back to your prior career. 

Here's how I know with 100% certainty that I will never again work in the legal profession. Plain and simple: I am no longer a match for it! Let me make an analogy I think we can all relate to. Bring to mind a guy or girl from your past that you either dated or wanted to date but, when you think of him or her now, it makes you cringe. Why is that? What's that little cringe all about? YOU'VE EVOLVED. You are no longer (quite literally) a match for them. If you are self-aware enough, you can probably pinpoint the exact reason why you're no longer a match, too. For example, I used to be a people pleaser. A HUGE people pleaser (which is one of the things that actually made me "good" at my job as a lawyer). What type of guy does a people pleaser usually attract into her life? Well, a guy who loves to make an inordinate amount of demands and is usually pretty self-centered. That type of guy loves to date people pleasers. Do you see how they're a match? He makes demands to feel more powerful (since he suffers from a lack of self-worth) and she wants to fulfill demands to feel needed and more important (because that's how she derives her false sense of self-worth). It's not a healthy dynamic, but it's easy to see how these types of people are attracted to each other like a magnet. It's the same with work and career. Actually, it's the same with pretty much everything in life! The things, people, jobs, etc that you have in your life right now are no accident! They're simply a match for what you think about yourself, what you think about the world, what you think about relationships, etc. 

I can see now why I fell into the legal profession and a lot of it has to do with my people-pleasing and overachiever tendencies. I was insecure and I didn't love myself very much and I tried to fill those "holes" by getting prestigious jobs. For example, the unconscious thought process that was probably going on in my mind sounded something like this: "I must be valuable and important if I have a great job that pays me lots of money!" Wrong. In addition, I derived a false sense of "purpose" and a false sense of "self-worth" by satisfying my client's and boss' every demand even if they came at 11 pm at night. Wrong again. As I stand here today, after doing a lot of work on myself with the help of a therapist and a lot of personal growth books, I no longer have those "holes" and I will no longer accept that type of work environment in my life anymore. No one is going to own my time the way law firms owned my every morning, evening, weekend, and holiday. No one is going to demand that I complete a non-urgent work task at 11 pm at night. No one is going to bark outrageous demands at me in the office. I will no longer accept that. I know now that I DESERVE BETTER. Period. And better is what shows up when you make that type of declaration and truly believe it to be so. My "better" is the life I've created with grace + hudson. I feel happy at work. I feel fulfilled at work. And I feel like work is a fun and healthy place to be. That's what I demand now of my career and that's exactly what I'm getting. And once you evolve beyond something (such as, in my case, the legal profession), there's no going back. It's nearly impossible. It's kind of like riding a bike: once you learn how to ride a bike, you can't really unlearn that. Does that make sense? It's the same with how we evolve and grow over our life span. We grow into jobs, we grow out of jobs, we grow into relationships, we grow out of relationships, etc.

I hope this gave you some food for thought! Now maybe you understand why I'm always saying, if you want to start your own business, you need to work more on your mindset than you do on your website. Work on evolving and growing beyond your present circumstances if you don't like them and see what happens next!

xoxo,

Stacy 

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share a bit about jewelry, and a lot about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In this week's journal entry, I want to talk about work-life balance. Someone asked me to address this topic and I thought it was a great idea. Starting your own business is no easy task and work-life balance is definitely a legitimate concern if you're thinking about becoming an entrepreneur.

Before I started grace + hudson I was a lawyer and I worked some pretty crazy hours, especially when I was a young attorney. There were many nights spent working until midnight or beyond. I ate dinner at the office more than I ate dinner at home, and I often gave up much of my weekend to work. One of the main reasons I hated my job as a lawyer was that my employer owned me - my time was not my own. I was constantly forced to cancel plans with family and friends and I missed out on some pretty big events, including a friend's wedding. I say all of this to illustrate the reason why running my own business has felt a lot more balanced and a lot easier, even though it's required a lot of hard work. And that's because I am always in control of my own time and I never have to miss out on things that are important to me. I work a ton of hours as you might imagine, but I can be flexible with when and where I work. So, for me personally, I've found that achieving work-life balance is more about flexibility than it is about working significantly less hours per week. For ambitious types like myself, I love what I do and I don't mind spending a lot of time doing it. It's fulfilling and really fun! But I don't want my work to cause me to miss out on important moments with my family and friends and the flexibility I have now ensures that. Perhaps one of the positive things that'll come from the coronavirus and quarantine will be more employers allowing their employees to work from home and work flexible hours. Work-life balance will become a lot more attainable for a lot more people if that's the case.

The second thing I've learned about work-life balance is that, for me, it was more about being in alignment with my gifts and talents than it was about actual hours worked. What does that mean? Well, as soon as I started working in a field that felt really aligned with my God-given talents (jewelry making) and personality (creative, peaceful, light-hearted), I started to feel more balanced. A lot more balanced. Even when I was working long hours, I never felt drained, exhausted, and stressed out the way I did when I was a lawyer. Strangely enough, I felt like I had even more energy because I was so inspired and satisfied from the work I was doing. It lit me up! It literally put a sparkle in my eye, and if you've experienced that feeling before, you know it's an energizing feeling. Think about it - when you're doing something you truly enjoy, the hours fly by and you usually have positive mood-boosting endorphins running through your system. When you get home, you have energy to spend on your children, your spouse, and other chores and activities. You don't just collapse on the couch and snap at your family members because your day was so draining, right? This can lead to a greater work-life balance because you actually have energy left at the end of the day to spend quality time with family and friends and enjoy the things you want to enjoy.

So I would sum up my views on work-life balance like this. First, for me, I've found that flexibility is more important than working less hours. The ability to work when and where I want is incredibly freeing. I think most people want to work and actually have the drive to work hard, they just want to be given a little latitude to get their work done when and where they want so that they don't miss out on the things outside of work that build a well-rounded life (like attending a birthday dinner for a close friend, reading a book to your children before sleep, helping out a family member, or even going to a favorite workout class). Second, work-life balance is a lot easier to achieve when you're working in a field that is in alignment with who you are. When that's the case, your job will not deplete you of all your energy. Rather, you'll feel pretty balanced (not too tired and not too frantic) or your job will actually energize you and light you up, and you'll have energy after the workday to spend on your friends, spouse, family, and activities you enjoy thereby increasing your work-life balance. 

One last word on work-life balance in the context of entrepreneurship. Running your own business requires a lot of work. There are a lot of people out there who claim to run a business working only 3 or 4 hours or day for example. I'm sure you've come across them. I'm not sure of their personal circumstances, but if you're thinking of starting your own business, I caution you to not have this expectation. I'm at the beginning of my 4th year and I'm just starting to slow down and keep more of a regular work week (usually between 40 and 50 hours per week). In the beginning, my hours were much longer than that. I worked every day (weekends included) and often worked 10 to 12 hours per day. Maybe my living expenses are just a lot higher than the people making these claims of 3-4 hours per day. Everything is relative, right? A "successful" business to them may be one that generates $20,000 per year whereas my business would need to generate much more than that to cover my living expenses. But whatever the case, please do not go into business ownership thinking that you're only going to work a minimal amount of hours. It's just not the case. It requires a lot of hard work over a long period of time, and it's not easy. If it were that easy, I assure you that many more people would open their own business and...even more importantly...more would succeed and grow. The fact of the matter is a lot of new businesses fail because it's simply not that easy. Do I think you need to sell your soul and work 90 hours/week? Absolutely not! But it does take a lot of dedication, especially in the first few years.

If work-life balance is something you're seeking, I hope you found this journal entry insightful! 

xoxo,

Stacy 

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! If you're new to grace + hudson, I use this space to share about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In the last two journal entries, I spoke about my first jewelry business which I had back in 2010. It only lasted a year and I went back to being a lawyer. I practiced law for another 6 years before I quit yet again and started grace + hudson. This year, grace + hudson will turn 5 years old which is quite a milestone for a small business. I think I read a statistic recently that said 95% of new businesses fail within the first 5 years. So making it to this point is worth a little celebration! In today's journal I'm going to share what I think the biggest difference has been between my first failed business and my second successful business. And I bet it'll surprise you. 

So let's get right to it. The biggest difference has been my mindset. Yes, my mindset! Which is something you have complete control over. It doesn't depend on a large advertising budget or any other outside circumstance. Let me explain. Back in 2011, I didn't believe I deserved a better life than working 80 hours per week as an attorney, constantly arguing with others for a living (if you've come to know me, you know that doesn't fit my personality, like, at all). To sum it up, the first time I quit, I had these beliefs:

• Work isn't supposed to be fun
• The purpose of work is to earn a paycheck
• I'm supposed to work until age 65 and then I can retire and enjoy my life
• The right thing to do after college is to get a job with good income potential
• I work an office job because I need health insurance
• I stay at my corporate job because I need the benefits
• Having a regular paycheck makes me feel secure  
• I work a 9 to 5 job during the week and I countdown to the weekend. Friday at 5 pm is my favorite. They say TGIF for a reason!
• Who am I to think that work should be any different than this? Everyone else feels the same way. That's just life. We all have to work to pay the bills.

I actually felt guilty and naive at times for trying to make a living doing something I enjoy. I'm not sure if it was (a) the doubt that I could go against the grain or (b) the guilt that killed my dream first, but I was back working as a lawyer within a year. I truly was not in alignment with my dream of being a business owner. What was I in alignment with? I was in alignment with working in a career I didn't really like. It can be hard to examine your beliefs and have enough self-awareness to admit that. But looking back, gosh it was so clear. I honestly didn't believe I deserved better. 

Now I DO believe I deserve better. I believe I deserve to earn a living doing something I love. I believe that I don't need to "sell my soul" to a law firm to afford my living expenses. I believe that I can create a business that reflects my ideals and my authentic self, and therefore brings me joy on a daily basis. I believe that I can blaze new trails that lead to a super successful business, and that I don't have to be like every other jewelry artist on the planet, struggling to make sales any which way they can. When you truly have these beliefs, you receive out-of-the-box inspiration, you wind up in the right place at the right time, you come up with ideas that seem divinely inspired, you blaze new trails. For example, if you believe you can only make $20k per year as a baker, begging to sell cupcakes at various markets and events around your city, you are completely foreclosing other possibilities. What if Oprah Winfrey stumbled upon your cupcakes, posted about them on Instagram, and you received 1,000 online orders in 3 minutes flat? Your negative mindset is completely foreclosing that option, and other less radical ones that have just as much revenue power.      

So, you ask, how did I change my mindset? Part of it was simply the wisdom that comes with growing a little older, and part of it was some real transformational work I had done with a therapist after I lost my dad to cancer. I was in a dark place at that time in my life. Everything was going wrong and it was just one thing after another. I was finally in enough pain to say, "Ok! Enough is enough! Something's gotta change here!" And that desire for change propelled me to work on myself and really challenge myself to grow beyond this pretty negative headspace I found myself in. It didn't happen overnight that's for sure, but slowly and surely I worked on a little tiny aspect of myself, and then another, and another, and another. And soon enough the momentum was great enough to make some really big, lasting changes. Maybe the biggest and most lasting change I made has to do with my perspective. I learned to see the world and my circumstances very differently. I used to buy into all the ideas society feeds you (see the list about career above!) and once I realized I can choose differently, my world changed. You see, the things you believe really shape your life. If you want to believe that "life is hard" and "my life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it to" your brain will look for evidence to support those beliefs. And, might I add, your brain also will ignore evidence to the contrary. It really is true that when you change your thoughts, you change your world. Do you see what I mean?

If you want to start working on your perspective, start with small things first. Here's my suggestion: on Monday morning when everyone else is saying "ughhh I hate Mondays," choose instead to say, "I'm excited about all the possibilities a new week holds." Do this every single Monday. I'm telling you, within a few short weeks you'll notice just how negative you used to be about Mondays. They might never become your favorite day of the week, but you can look at them from the perspective of possibility instead of dread. Once you do this little experiment with a few small things, you can graduate to bigger things. For example, you can start to challenge some of the beliefs on the bullet point list above. One by one, the dominos fall. And then you can expand this little game to other areas of your life like relationships. Oh there are a whole lot of societal beliefs around marriage and relationships that are just no good and setting you up for failure. Someone once said that "a miracle is a change in perspective" - which means miracles are ordinary, they happen every day. Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? (From the book A Course In Miracles)

If you'd like my Weekly Journal sent straight to your inbox every week, click here to subscribe. I hope you're able to learn something valuable from my business journey and my experiences!

P.S. Are you on Pinterest? I created a Weekly Journal board so you can easily navigate all of my journal entries. You can view and follow the board by clicking here. I've written so much about quitting my lawyer job to start g+h and I want to make it easier for you to access and read the entries that resonate most!

xoxo,

Stacy

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In this week's journal entry, I'm talking about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who are doing what you want to be doing with your career. If you've been working for a little while, you've probably heard the expression, "If you don't want your boss' job someday, you might want to think about a different career path." It's true. Why would you work so hard if you don't want to progress on the path you're on? That sounds kinda silly, doesn't it? But what else could you do? A lot of people have identified that they don't like their current career path, but a lot of people haven't figured out what's next. So they stay stuck. And stuck is often an unhappy place to be. What's a girl to do if she finds herself in this position? I was there for a long time, so let me help you.

A few years ago, I was a lawyer living an unhappy life, struggling with the prospect of making a career change. I was highly educated - with degrees from both Cornell University and Emory Law School - yet I felt my career options were limited. WHAT?! Yes, it's true. And I bet you can relate no matter your career or education level. We get pigeon-holed into a certain career and we think there's no other options available to us. WRONG! Let me be the first to tell you that the skills you've acquired in your current job can translate nicely into another career field. I promise you. This is true no matter your career level. There are, for example, transferrable skills from working entry level positions at Starbucks or The Gap (that was my first job in high school!). Customer service, team work, organization skills, and in the case of Starbucks - reporting to work at an incredibly early hour shows a huge level of dedication, discipline, and hard work. All important character traits to have for any job. So the first key to getting out of your "stuckness" is identifying the skills and character traits that you possess and listing them all out on a piece of paper. Be as general as possible. For example, instead of saying that you're proficient in a certain computer program that only lawyers use, write on your list that you successfully learned how to use a unique and complex software program and became quite proficient at it. Do you get where I'm going with this? Start generalizing your skills. If you learned that lawyer software program, you can probably learn the software program at a doctor's office or in a big corporate office, you feel me? When you start generalizing your skills, you'll see that they aren't only suited to your current career field.

After you've done this, my next recommendation is that you get outside your little career bubble. You see, when I was a lawyer, I often spent 70+ hours a week devoted to work and my (very little) free time was spent running errands and, you know, just keeping my life together by paying bills, walking my dog, grocery shopping, and going to a yoga class or two. When you find yourself in this position, your exposure to other people is pretty limited. In other words, it was hard for me to see beyond my little career field, beyond my little bubble. There are millions of people out there performing millions of jobs, but I was so trapped in the legal profession that - when I wanted to look for other career options - my mind went blank. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you're a nurse or a teacher or in the IT field - whatever your field, it's easy to get a little stuck there. It's easy to become pigeon-holed. We often make friends at work, so perhaps many of our friends do the same jobs as us, too. We get so comfortable in this little world (even if we don't particularly like it) and it becomes difficult to see beyond it. I know so many lawyers that dislike their jobs, but they all say to me, "I just don't know what else I'd do with this degree." WHAT?! There are literally thousands if not millions of jobs they'd be qualified for. Lawyers have so many transferrable skills. Just to name a few, most lawyers are great writers, amazing researchers, and very skilled at analyzing data, negotiating, and critical thinking. And, these days, most lawyers need to be pretty good at technology too. A lot of digital documents and emails need to be analyzed before going to trial and there are a lot of complex IT concepts involved with that process.

So how do you get outside this little bubble? It can be as easy as Google! Do some searching. I bet you'll find articles and maybe even podcasts and interviews. For example, if you get on Google and search "former lawyer," you'll actually find a podcast with tons of interviews of former lawyers who are now doing something else (click here to listen to mine!). If you listen to one of these podcasts per day, in just a couple of weeks you will have expanded your mind from "I don't know what else I can do with this degree" to "there are so many other possibilities for me." That's pretty powerful stuff. There is huge power in surrounding yourself with examples of people who have already done it. That's why I named this journal entry "surround yourself with powerful examples." When you're in this state of possibility, good things start to happen. Opportunities start to arise. That good energy of "I can do this" and "there are options" and "I don't need to stay stuck here" really can propel you forward. It replaces the negative energy of "I'm stuck here" and "I don't have options" and "I'll never be able to do something else." If you've been following my journal entries for any length of time, you know I'm always emphasizing mindset. This is no different. Expand your mind. Find proof that there are lawyers {or insert your current job} doing other things with their lives. There is TONS of it. You just have to look for it. And then this proof will naturally expand your mind as to what's possible for YOU. 

Let's talk about some other examples, just to get your mind going. Did you know a nurse can work in the legal profession? Yep! Nurses are needed in medical malpractice cases. So maybe you don't like the day-to-day work of being a nurse, but maybe you'd like lending your expertise in a legal case. Or maybe you're a teacher. Did you ever dream of starting your own business one day? How about creating an online course in something you're proficient at? There are tons of people teaching all sorts of things online and you, my friend, are leaps and bounds ahead of them because you already have some real life teaching experience. Plus, online courses have exploded during the past year or two and it's an awesome business to start as a side hustle. 

I hope you're able to learn something valuable from my own experiences. My wish is for everyone to know the feeling of doing work that brings them joy. It truly is an unbelievable gift to not dread Mondays and hope for Friday's fast arrival. If you'd like my Weekly Journal sent straight to your inbox every week, click here to subscribe. 

P.S. Are you on Pinterest? I'm in the process of creating a Weekly Journal board on Pinterest so you can easily navigate all of my journal entries. You can view and follow the board by clicking here. I've written so much about quitting my lawyer job to start g+h over the past couple years and I want to make it easier for you to access and read the entries that resonate most!

xoxo,
Stacy

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In this week's journal entry, I'm addressing that little voice in your head that says, "Yeah, that big dream of yours sounds nice and all, but here are all the reasons why it can't happen..."

Let's start by doing a little experiment. Think about that big thing you're wishing for - is it starting your own business? Switching careers? Being in a serious romantic relationship? Getting married? Having a child? Take a moment to picture it in your mind. Now, what does your mind say when you do that? Does it say "yeah, but..." and then list reasons why it can never happen? If you said yes, please read on. This journal entry is for you.

When we have a big dream but our mind says "yeah, but..." that means we don't believe it can be ours. We might say we want this or that, but deep down we don't believe it can actually happen. There is a disconnect. It can be painful to be in this stage because we're out of alignment and often don't know why. We might be hustling to make that dream happen, but we're encountering a lot of struggle and frustration in return. We can do "all the right things" but still not see it come to pass. So let me propose a new idea, a new storyline, for you to consider. Could it be that your dream is not coming to pass because your desires and beliefs do not match up? You know that quote, "You'll see it when you believe it?" That's kind of what I'm talking about here.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, "BUT I DO BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE. I REALLY DO!" If that's you, I ask you to get silent for a few moments. Lay down on your back with one hand on your heart and one hand on your stomach. Think about the dream you so badly want to see come to pass. Get still and silent as you think about that dream. Gently ask yourself the question, "Why hasn't this happened for me yet?" Be still and let some answers gently flow to you. Listen carefully to what comes up. There may be some hidden beliefs lurking in the background that have been holding you back. If the tears start to flow, let them come out. 

You might be thinking to yourself, I don't meditate, I don't "manifest", and this is "woo woo" kind of stuff. I respectfully disagree and I ask you to consider a different story. One need not look any further than the Bible to see evidence of this principle, this universal law - and I'm sure you don't think the Bible is "woo woo", right? Mark 11:24 says, "I give you my word, if you are ready to believe that you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer, it shall be done for you." It goes on to say, "Whoever says to this mountain, be lifted up and thrown into the sea, and has no inner doubts but believes that what he says will happen, shall have it done for him." I love this passage so much because it hints at another really important principle -- the ability to receive. Women in particular sometimes have a hard time receiving. Underneath that is often a feeling of unworthiness - we don't believe that we are entitled to receive the dream, we don't believe we're worthy of it. Or sometimes we think it's more important to be selfless and care for others more than we care for ourselves, and this can block our ability to receive too. There was a point in my business where I really had to work on my ability to receive. I was doing everything "right" and working hard at my dream, but still something was off. I wasn't seeing the abundance I desired and believed I deserved to receive. And voila! One day it clicked. My desires and beliefs were in alignment, but my ability to receive was out of whack. I needed to examine my self-worth and do some work around that. Sure enough, a short time later I had cleared some blocks around receiving and abundance started to flow more easily. For example, one of the blocks to receiving I had to clear was, "Who am I to make money doing something I love while the rest of the world struggles in jobs they hate?" I replaced that with "I deserve to do work I love and money can flow to me easily when I use the gifts and talents God gave me."

If you find yourself today in a place of frustration because you're working hard at a dream but it's not coming to pass (or you haven't even started working on it because you believe it's impossible or you're not worthy of it), I highly recommend you think about the ideas I've written about today. Even though you say you want your dream so badly, your inner beliefs might be doubting it. No amount of hustle is going to fix that. Rather, some internal work needs to be done.

I hope you're able to learn something from my own experience. If you'd like my Weekly Journal sent straight to your inbox every week, click here to subscribe. 

P.S. Are you on Pinterest? I'm in the process of creating a Weekly Journal board on Pinterest so you can easily navigate all of my journal entries. You can view and follow the board by clicking here. I've written so much about quitting my lawyer job to start g+h over the past couple years and I want to make it easier for you to access and read the entries that resonate most!

xoxo,
Stacy

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In this week's journal entry, I'm writing about a simple yet profound sentence I heard the other day: "People want to change their world while they remain the same." It was said by one of my favorite authors and teachers, Michael Bernard Beckwith. If you read and follow my journal entries because you dislike your current career path and want to do something different, I encourage you to really think about and digest this sentence. It is not easy to make a big career change and many people give up before they've even started. You know why? I believe the answer lies in this very sentence.

I can tell you from first-hand experience that making a big, massive change requires a different, higher version of yourself. In fact, you have to first change things on the inside before you'll ever see real lasting change on the outside. Many of you already know that I quit my lawyer job after 11 years so let me ask you this. How do you think it happened? Do you think I got up one morning, said "I had enough of this!!!" and quit? Do you think I thought about it for a few weeks or a few months before I tendered my resignation? Well, from my perspective, I "started" to make my big career change when I enrolled in therapy in the second year of my legal career. That's when I really admitted to myself that my path was not sustainable. That I needed to make a change. My career was really out of alignment with my values and priorities, I was always sick with a mild cold or mild stomach ache (it's amazing what stress can do to you), and I just knew that I could not do this career much longer. But after investing about $150,000 in my law degree, I sought out the help of a therapist to talk things out. I wanted to make a solid decision, given the time and money I had spent to enter the legal profession. I didn't want to do anything I'd regret later. 

Well, those therapy sessions really set me on a path of self-discovery and self-awareness that I was not expecting! I was led to books and lectures and podcasts and all sorts of things over the following years. All of these things helped me become aware of the issues holding me back and the areas I had to work on. Everything from seeking the approval of my father through high achievement, to people-pleasing, to perfectionism, to victim mentality, and a few things in between. 

When I cleared some of these blocks (which took years) and became more in alignment with myself, things on the outside really started to change. Long story short, some old friendships left and new friendships entered, I quit my lawyer job, started my own business, moved from Chicago to the beach in South Carolina, went from single to in a serious relationship... and on and on the changes came. And what I can tell you from this journey is that Michael Bernard Beckwith is 100% accurate. You're not going to see your circumstances change unless YOU are willing to change.

Change is scary. Trust me, I know. But it's a necessary part of creating the life you want. I see it all the time - people want SO badly to change careers or some other aspect of their life, but they give up the second they realize it's going to be difficult or uncomfortable. They don't want to give anything up. They don't want to change their patterns or their routine. They don't want to change the way they think about career or money. Think about it this way - your current beliefs, your current way of being in the world, your current choices, got you to where you are today. Right? If you don't like where you are today, you've got to change some of those things, right? You've got to make new choices and perhaps change your beliefs around career and what you deserve in terms of a job, and the way you think about money, and you need to show up differently in the world in order to have something different. Does that make sense? It's so simple, yet so profound. 

If you want to make a big change, chances are you want to see that change ASAP. In that case, I highly recommend you work on the internal blockages and obstacles holding you back more than you work on your resume or new website. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Because here's the deal - if you are able to force and hustle your way into that big change without first fixing the internal "stuff" it's probably not going to last long. It's not going to have staying power. The world is pretty predictable like that - your inside and outside need to line up. Your inner world and your outer circumstances need to be in alignment and, if they're not, your world will self-correct. The thing will usually be taken away. Think of it this way - you know how many people win the lottery and end up bankrupt two years later? It's the same principle. You can't hand $4 million to someone who isn't in alignment with it - to someone who has all of these issues and negative beliefs around money and their being worthy of wealth. You see how that works? It's pretty amazing how our inner beliefs really do dictate our reality and our experience of the world.

I hope you're able to learn something from my own experience. If you'd like my Weekly Journal sent straight to your inbox every week, click here to subscribe. 

P.S. Are you on Pinterest? I'm in the process of creating a Weekly Journal board on Pinterest so you can easily navigate all of my journal entries. You can view and follow the board by clicking here. I've written so much about quitting my lawyer job to start g+h over the past couple years and I want to make it easier for you to access and read the entries that resonate most!

xoxo,
Stacy

Welcome to another edition of my Weekly Journal! I use this space to share about my journey from lawyer to jewelry business owner. In this week's journal entry, I'm talking about overcoming hopelessness and overwhelm. If you don't like where you are currently - whether that's in your career, in your relationships, or in some other area of your life - but you're feeling hopeless that it'll change or overwhelmed at the prospect of making a change, this journal entry is for you.

In my experience, the way through these feelings of overwhelm and hopelessness is self-empowerment. How do you empower yourself? Dare I say it has never been easier? No matter what your problem is these days, there are resources available to you through the click of a finger on your computer. You can research absolutely anything online. I'm not saying all you'll find will be valuable (hence the word "research" which requires some analysis and critical thinking about what you find), but there is a wealth of information out there waiting to be found. That information can help educate you. Through that education, you can develop a plan forward. Perhaps that plan includes purchasing a certain book, hiring a coach or therapist, taking an online course, finding an in-person or Facebook group with like-minded individuals for support, etc. Trust me, you are not alone. You are not the first person to have this problem. You don't need to reinvent the wheel (and don't make your life difficult by thinking you need to do so). Be willing and open to learn from other people who have already "figured out" your problem. Gather the potential solutions or paths forward, then decide which one is best for you. But you have got to be proactive. You've got to do something. Wallowing in self-pity and "this is too hard" is not going to fix anything, yet many prefer to put on Netflix, numb out, and stay there. Depending on the magnitude of your problem, take a night or a week or a month to chill out, but don't let yourself get stuck there.

For example, say you want to start your own business but you're feeling so much overwhelm about setting up a website. There are so many different providers - how do you know which one to choose? Well, hop on your computer and start looking for articles that have compared and contrasted the various website providers. If you do that, you'll probably find a nice chart that lists the most popular options and compares them. From that chart, you'll probably be able to narrow it down to a few providers that meet your needs and price range. Then you can hop onto the websites of those providers and - chances are - you'll find a free webinar or video diving more deeply into their offerings. Watch them. That'll help you further narrow down your list of options. Maybe you'll be left with two choices at that point. Then search the internet for articles comparing these two choices. Also, do you know anyone in your family or circle of friends who has a website? What do they use? Are they happy with that choice? Have they done research on the various platforms that they can share with you? Then make a decision. I know people who've gotten paralyzed for months on their start-up-business journey because they can't choose a website provider, or a logo color, or something even more simple. You can always change your mind down the road.

As another example, let's say you've been wanting to lose weight but it's just not happening even though you believe you're eating properly and exercising. I encourage you not to get stuck in feelings of frustration and hopelessness. You can see a nutritionist or hire a personal trainer. If those things aren't in your budget, you can go online and do some research. Be open to the possibility that you aren't eating healthy for your particular body, age, activity level, or medical condition (eating "healthy" doesn't just mean less calories - there is a lot involved). Be open to the possibility that your exercise routine might be outdated. For example, as women age, it's really healthy to add some light weight training. But how would you know that unless you did some research? Through your research, maybe you'll find a health coach that resonates with you online and her Instagram is full of free tips and tricks you can put into practice. You can learn so much from diving head first into your problem, rather than sitting on the sidelines complaining about it. Again, you are not the first person to experience this problem and you won't be the last. Be open to expanding your mind. Be open to the possibility that you don't know it all. Through educating yourself you'll start to feel empowered and that'll give you motivation to move forward.

I'd be remiss not to include one other point in this journal entry: pray. Pray to a God of your own understanding. Ask for help. Ask for guidance. You don't need to do this alone. I'll admit, even though I've believed in God my whole life, prayer wasn't a big part of my life until the past 5 years or so. There was this moment when I realized I can call on help. I don't need to do it all alone. And some things just can't be done successfully without divine intervention in my opinion (such as grieving the death of a parent). So don't hesitate to surrender your worries and hopelessness through prayer.

I wrote this journal entry because it's so easy to get stuck. It's so easy to say "I tried and it didn't work" and stop there. It's so easy to wallow in "this will never happen" or "this is too hard." But there is another choice available to you. You can choose hopelessness and overwhelm or you can choose to be proactive about resolving and changing your situation. Big problems will obviously require more of you than small ones, but the same principles apply. You can do this. You can figure it out. And I am cheering you on as you take the first step!

If you'd like my Weekly Journal sent straight to your inbox every week, click here to subscribe. I hope you're able to learn something from my experience and also my mistakes!

P.S. Are you on Pinterest? I'm in the process of creating a Weekly Journal board on Pinterest so you can easily navigate all of my journal entries. You can view and follow the board by clicking here. I've written so much about quitting my lawyer job to start g+h over the past couple years and I want to make it easier for you to access and read the entries that resonate most!

xoxo,
Stacy